today I lugged several big cardboard boxes back to my apartment, where I am beginning the process of boxing up my possessions - dividing them into three piles: keep, sell, or toss.
i’m doing this because I no longer want to be tied to a home or possessions. when I lived in NYC in the fall of 2011 I moved around a lot, taking only my large Ethiopia pack and a suitcase. I also had a longboard, which I never used. it was great to not be attached to anything. in that time I felt more creatively free and explorative than I had ever felt before.
these days, I feel very encouraged. but I want to be back to the freedom. I think part of this has to do with trusting my inner voice, and this means shedding associations with the societal “world” that I am now a part of (before it was finance/wharton, now it is SF/tech). I see my apartment and my furniture as the largest, most definitive, and admittedly, most expensive symbol of this lifestyle that I no longer want. I appreciate it, but I don’t want to be limited to the world that the lifestyle insulates us in. the bubble is not purely the market, it is the perspective. “the end of the world,” the “end all be all” in these ideas, launches, frantic sprints, everything. the full world, ie the world that is the world, cares more about your inner voice, I think. the bubble will never care about your well being. in being a bubble it operates in a silo of reality, which by definition is also rooted in delusion. so the bubble always prioritizes delusion over truth (not saying it doesn’t prioritize truth, just that it does so less) than the universal world, whose long run value is in individual truth (how I got to universe = indiv voice is another discussion, one that also has spiritual and religious ties). I’m babbling and super tired right now but I just want to get all of this out fully (albeit incoherently) before I fall asleep.
so, goodbye apartment, hello embracing my personal inner voice: in which I sell almost everything I own, explore different neighborhoods, and stay
independent free weird.
i acknowledge this world, but i am not a part of it. as long as i have one foot in, i have two choices: i can meekly accept my role here or i can continually rage. it is the more stressful option, but one filled with more personal integrity. so i rage. blind conformity is the anti goal. and i’m moving out.
at wharton, i saw finance, but i did not become a banker.
in SF, i see tech, but i am not a techie.
i don’t do labels.
"do u." always. even if you compromise on other things. life throws you situations you can’t get out of sometimes. so you gotta see them thru even though it’s not "u." that’s okay, that’s life. not all of us are privileged enough to just drop out of school or quit our jobs without significant financial repercussions. but you never forget who you are. even if you have to compromise on stuff like what you do between 9-5, you never compromise on your personal sense of identity. that is the common denominator amongst every person who adopts "do u," regardless of their actual life/situation.
and let me know if you’re in the market for a new couch, coffee table, or writing desk.
i gotta get out of here.